There is no way to say this nicely

With our house, we inherited two 30-foot palm trees that stand sentry on the edge of our front lawn. They look like medieval guards at the gate. I love them.

We’ve never owned such trees before. We’ve also never lived in a traditional neighborhood before — with joggers, moms with strollers, and couples on bikes.  Also, there is dog walking.

And so I have discovered that if you have large trees on the edge of your lawn, the dogs will stop, with the owners standing by, and “water” them.

HOWL. SHUDDER. SHIVER. GAG. QUIVER. WASH HANDS. LOOK AWAY.

I know I’m strange, but it really grosses me out, OK?

Just this week, I’ve noticed three bathroom sessions. I stood inside and watched with horror, wanting to howl “nooooo!” through the open windows.

Except I’m the new girl in the ‘hood, and I can’t be THAT new girl.

So I went and washed my hands instead. I have pulled weeds from those trees, people.

Technically, I believe it exhibits poor manners to let one’s dog to do its thing on someone’s front yard, but if I post a “no dogs” sign on the trees, I might as well also hang a sign on the front door that says “brat.”

In America, it is not OK to dislike dogs.

I know this because I’m not a dog person, and when that tidbit comes out, people are shocked. People judge. People think, “This girl, she needs to be watched. She’s dangerous. She’s unnatural. She’s not like us. We probably shouldn’t hire her. We probably shouldn’t be friends with her. We definitely shouldn’t date her.”

OK, so sometimes I’m a little overdramatic.

But I promise you that upon the above confession, I will now receive surprised and sad emails from my dog-owning clients, all of which will go something like this: “Really?! You’re not a dog person?! But you like my dog, right?”

George is the only one that knows. When I come over, ring the doorbell, and his dog goes insane, he yells, “Shut up, Sparkles, she doesn’t like you.”

God bless George.

So this is a conundrum.

Is there something wrong with me? I mean, not the dog person thing – clearly everyone agrees that such feelings are freakish.

But being so heebie-jeebied out by the dogs doing their thing on my front lawn — is that weird? Is anyone with me?

And what should I do? Put up a sign anyway and pass out cookies to all the neighbors once a week so that I will have friends? Try one of those repellant sprays? Stop looking out the windows? Consider a fence?

And really, I don’t necessarily want an answer, because I likely won’t do anything at all. I’d rather be a nice neighbor. I’d rather have better manners. I’d rather look away.

Like Kathleen Kelly, I just wanted to send these thoughts out into the void.

So happy Monday morning, dear void.

By | 2015-04-13T03:02:41+00:00 February 23rd, 2015|Jaimee's Home Renovation|5 Comments

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5 Comments

  1. Jude February 23, 2015 at 8:20 am - Reply

    I was literally laughing SO hard while reading this because I am not a dog person either. I waged war on cats that kept coming in my yard and peeing on my kid’s toys. You would’ve thought I was telling people I ate small children when I expressed my disdain for this.

  2. Jen Burcham February 23, 2015 at 9:54 am - Reply

    I don’t mind dogs. I despise cats. I also adore children, but would not tolerate a child coming into my home and destroying it. People are weird about their animals and children. I’d put up the sign. Bad manners are never endearing.

  3. Cindy Lewton February 23, 2015 at 2:47 pm - Reply

    I am a dog person and I always “scoop” when I walk our dog (though I live close enough to the desert to walk in the desert, not the neighborhood). However, dog owners can’t scoop pee, so no matter how considerate dog owners try to be, dogs need to be walked and they will pee. It wouldn’t be a problem in my neighborhood with gravel yards, but I imagine your neighborhood, Jaimee, has grass and pee will kill grass. Community living has so many dilemmas!

  4. diana elizabeth February 26, 2015 at 6:47 pm - Reply

    We have 3/5 palm trees. I say 3/5 because 3 are crazy tall and the other 2 are somehow short and I forget they are there between the other 3. We are on a corner so we get watered on several times a morning. I don’t mind it, I just always use garden gloves if I’m going to be doing any gardening around that area 😉 Oh, and I don’t like dogs either, only a specific breed 🙂 xx!

  5. Debbie Elder March 2, 2015 at 8:01 am - Reply

    Thanks for writing this excellent post! I, too, am not, have never been, nor do I ever want to be a dog or cat fan. I was allergic to these things when I was young and now use this as my “go to” excuse for ignoring my friend’s animals. They’re always trying to get me to like them, and of course, it never fails that the animals love me because I don’t pay one milo second of attention to them. For the record, we don’t appreciate the yapping, barking, jumping, loose hair that gets all over our black pants, or the numerous rubs, licks and long looks. Owners, when we say “no”, be polite and take some action to move the animal out of our space, and please don’t tell us that your dog/cat doesn’t know what that word means. Grrrr!

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