Turning one is really, really hard.

You have to get all dressed up in pink, puffy cupcake clothes and open lots of polka-dot presents.













You have to help your mom by taking naps while she makes cupcake-shaped invitations and cupcakes with pink sparkles and polka dots on top.













Said naps take place here. Can you imagine how hard life in this nursery must be?













Your older brother might try to steal your new cupcake toys given by Granni. Your older cousins will want to attack your pink pinata. (Your smart mom bought it on clearance after Valentine’s Day, saved it, and added a paper “1.”)













You will have to smile for all your guests, who get to eat skewers of pink saltwater taffy that your mom made and strawberry spinach salad on pink polka dot plates.













You will have to wear a hat that looks like this.

At the end of the party, you will be given your very own giant cupcake to eat all by yourself, baked by Granni, who even made a giant cardstock cupcake cup, just for you. The icing is cream cheese, covered in glitter. The cake is chocolate.

Hmmm . . .

Isn’t that the worst?