Eventually we are going to get to this, to a sandwich so glorious it doesn’t matter that we Phoenicians live in hell.

But first, a communal whine — Oh, Ughust-in-Arizona, I hate you.

Let’s focus on the good: in Phoenix, we have Nocawich, and that means exquisite sandwiches with oozy cheese and warm bacon and bread someone else has slathered and toasted and sliced. And when all of you non-Arizonans come to visit in the winter, you should go here and praise the Gods you aren’t here right now.

Tyson took me for a Saturday lunch, and I think that’s a fine way to spend your steamy Saturday. There is air conditioning at Noca, and a nice woman who pours Diet Coke into iced glasses.

I had the Cisco Kid — turkey, cranberry, bacon. Ty had the Meyer Lansky, featuring a pile of insane pastrami. He didn’t talk during the entire meal.

Nocawich is inside Noca, one of Phoenix’s favorite gourmet hotspots, and sandwiches are served Tuesday-Saturday, 11 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.

Don’t forget the baked potato salad.

Another new Phoenix gem to try this weekend: Crudo, which my friend Howie Seftel at the paper raaaaaaaved about. Howie is our longtime restaurant critic, and he gets very cute when he’s excited. I swear he grows a foot taller. Read his praise here. And then make a reservation. Crudo is on 36th St. and Indian School in Phoenix. Also: it’s pretty inside, and there is frshly pulled mozzarella with caramelized onion and bacon relish. Oh, my.

Mmmm. Gnocchi.

Where are you going this weekend? Anything exciting that I need to try?